Loneliness.
My communication class in Non-Western culture has been interesting because it makes me acutely aware of the assumptions accepted in all of my western classes. In my American History class, we discussed "Babbitt" today and my professor was discussing how the classic storyline in the book was that men will do anything to be a part of the group. Ultimately, men are afraid to be the only one left out. He then concluded, "A great lesson in life is that it's okay to be lonely."
The certainty in which he made that final judgment astounded me. How does he know that is true? I instantaneously thought of my Comm course where my professor said, "Western society enjoys the benefits of individual freedom, progress, open debate, and so forth, but we suffer from loneliness." Every Western hero has abandoned large portions of the surrounding society, at the risk of losing every one of their friends and family, to pursue and idea or abstract goal. From Jesus to Henry Thoreau, these men and women abandoned societal norms, rebeled, and withdrew from "good society." We tolerate this behavior, because we believe people will be successful on their own merits. If they are right, they will reap the benefits. If they are wrong, well, they'll suffer the consequences. And we are sure that they suffer the consequences. You're on your own. You're alone, sucker. There is a reason why suicide is so prevalent in western society.
In Eastern culture, there is more acceptance of conformity and rebellion is seriously questioned. However, there is a much wider spread of support from each person. There is always your family, your extended family, your friends, their families, the family you didn't even know about, and so on there to help you. Just don't question anything and anyone and you will always have friends. In my History and Society in Iraq course, my professor has been trying to convey the concept of Assabiyya (which can be spelled many ways), but he can't fully communicate it. It's a community system, made up of friends and family, that exhists in Iraq to protect each other.
I believe in my values, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs, etc. just as strongely as any other westerner. I've lost friends and scared off potential friends for them enough to make me cry. At some point we find a balance. There has to be. At some point I do not concern myself with the fact that my mother believes so strongly in creation and I believe to strongly in evolution. One of my friends is certain that women should always submit to men, and another is so certain that men are too stupid to make any independent decision. I smile discreet, express my opinion clearly, and refuse to become emotional about it. Last night my friend said, "It's so funny to watch you talk, Jesi, because when you start off, you have this pleasant look on your face and then say, 'Yes, but this is why they're evil...'" I enjoy my ideas, but they have a place in the world, and frequently their value is below the value of my friends.
So which is better? To be lonely or not to be lonely? My professor was so sure, but I'm not sure I would agree with him that the answer is clearly to be lonely.
The certainty in which he made that final judgment astounded me. How does he know that is true? I instantaneously thought of my Comm course where my professor said, "Western society enjoys the benefits of individual freedom, progress, open debate, and so forth, but we suffer from loneliness." Every Western hero has abandoned large portions of the surrounding society, at the risk of losing every one of their friends and family, to pursue and idea or abstract goal. From Jesus to Henry Thoreau, these men and women abandoned societal norms, rebeled, and withdrew from "good society." We tolerate this behavior, because we believe people will be successful on their own merits. If they are right, they will reap the benefits. If they are wrong, well, they'll suffer the consequences. And we are sure that they suffer the consequences. You're on your own. You're alone, sucker. There is a reason why suicide is so prevalent in western society.
In Eastern culture, there is more acceptance of conformity and rebellion is seriously questioned. However, there is a much wider spread of support from each person. There is always your family, your extended family, your friends, their families, the family you didn't even know about, and so on there to help you. Just don't question anything and anyone and you will always have friends. In my History and Society in Iraq course, my professor has been trying to convey the concept of Assabiyya (which can be spelled many ways), but he can't fully communicate it. It's a community system, made up of friends and family, that exhists in Iraq to protect each other.
I believe in my values, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs, etc. just as strongely as any other westerner. I've lost friends and scared off potential friends for them enough to make me cry. At some point we find a balance. There has to be. At some point I do not concern myself with the fact that my mother believes so strongly in creation and I believe to strongly in evolution. One of my friends is certain that women should always submit to men, and another is so certain that men are too stupid to make any independent decision. I smile discreet, express my opinion clearly, and refuse to become emotional about it. Last night my friend said, "It's so funny to watch you talk, Jesi, because when you start off, you have this pleasant look on your face and then say, 'Yes, but this is why they're evil...'" I enjoy my ideas, but they have a place in the world, and frequently their value is below the value of my friends.
So which is better? To be lonely or not to be lonely? My professor was so sure, but I'm not sure I would agree with him that the answer is clearly to be lonely.
posted by Jesi E. at 10/18/2005 08:57:00 AM
4 Comments:
Balance - to me that is the key. Each relationship and potential relationship should be evaluated individually. What will the choices I make cost me? What will it cost my friends, those whom I respect, those whom I love? If deepening a budding relationship would require me to compromise deeply held beliefs (ones I have examined and embraced as my own) I must decide if it is worth the cost.
That said, there are few things in life worth losing relationships over. Agreeing to disagree or at least not being disagreeable is an important life lesson. And, if you truly love and/or respect someone you should have the courage to revisit your own reasoning - maybe you are wrong ( or at least not as right as you think you are!)
The Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone. I agree - It also says to know what is right and to not do it is sin. I also agree with that. It is not right to break fellowship for something small but there are times when the relationship has become toxic and survival requires a different path.
The War of American Independence is a good example.
If you are always alone you never learn to be a part of something larger than yourself; to never be alone doesn't allow you to discover the unique qualities that are you.
From your post I'm not sure your prof said it was good to be lonely. What I got was that we shouldn't be afraid of it. Many times we are so afraid of being alone that we change who we fundamentally are to join the status quo or the cool crowd. What I got from his comment was that if you find a group where you're accepted or fit in then that's great, but if you can't or don't want to, then feel free to be alone and be secure in that. Having said that, I don't think we were created to be alone and much of our instinctual action reflects the need to be accepted for who we are. I just don't think it's always a bad thing to be on your own.
Bah! Definitely it's better to be non-lonely.
I'm as western as you can be without cowboy boots, but I think that we need community. We need to look out for each other and we need others to look out for us.
No man is a small non-continental piece of land entirely surrounded by water.
Peter
Man is ultimately a lonely creature. We are individuals seperate from all others; we are islands. We can communicate with, interact with, and draw benefits and receive hardship from other human beings but we are still alone.
The extent of our judgement, our rationality, our senses, our feeling, our consciousness, and our awareness ends at skin level and there is an unpassable void that lies between us and other conscious beings; there is no bridge.
This is not a concept of depression or sadness but much the opposite; this is the only way we can be free.
This is not to say we will not find fellow travelers to bear our journey with, which may make the time more enjoyable and more bearable, but it is to say that ultimately we are all alone.
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