Boys.

Many of you may be acutely aware of the fact that I was violently opposed to dating during high school. As I left the church, I realized that most of that particular viewpoint stemmed from my religious upbringing and I could find no logical reason to continue thinking that way as I entered into college. However, I have not been surrounded by a great male selection nor have I been in a situation where I thought it would be valuable. Moving to Norman has definitely changed that situation. So, here are some thoughts about dating:

1) It is absolutely horrible for my academics. Why worry about my class tomorrow when I can spend time giggling with a boy?
2) I end up doing things I regret later. Like allowing a boy to write comments in Sharpie on my midriff...
3) I begin thinking about doing things I would never think of doing. For example, I was absolutely sure that I would never attend church, But now I'm considering attending an Eastern Orthodox church. (Which is terribly ironic that the church made me not want to date, leaving the church made me want to date, and finally dating makes me want to go to church. Wow.)

Anyway, I do find it very enjoyable. It's so much fun. I'm really afraid that this anti-dating movement just creates tension between boys and girls. In my situation, I found it just scared every boy who ever asked me out when I explained, "I don't get into meaningless romantic relationships." Their eyes would get big and then I'd never hear from them again. It's not that I'm going out with every guy that comes along, but I don't ask them to put a ring on my finger before I give them my number.

Who is John Galt?

No, seriously. Someone just left a couple of comments to my post and I am intrigued to know who this person is.

Thoughts As March Ends.

I’m bitchy tonight, so buyer beware.

Easter Sunday is this Sunday for the majority of churchgoers. My views on religion have been shifting slight due to some large shifts in my personal philosophies across the board. I've spent the last two days trying to get some ideas on the screen, but without any success. Part of me wants to go back to church, and the other part says, "What the hell are you thinking?" My frustrations with the church remain:

* Leadership patterns that promote hypocrisy, backstabbing, and self-righteousness.
* Teaching/worship techniques that over emphasize the trivial, discourage thought, and uphold mediocrity.
* Social environment that is political, gossipy, and manipulative.

I will be the first to admit that these statements are highly summarized, but I am not here to argue those points. I’m here to argue how much I long to find a group of people who actually support my growth in God. The church has consistently failed to offer that for me, but I guess 3 years is long enough to not feel the sting so acutely. God forgive me, but I’m going to at least one church in the next few weeks. I’ll try to comment on this when my ideas reshape into something definable.

My friend Jacob last night pointed at my painted toe nails and commented, “Why would you ever spend time painting your toe nails? All feet are ugly. There is no purpose in painting them.” He had no idea he was triggering a private crusade of mine. I explained that I was just falling in line with a long history of dehumanizing women. My friends all agreed, but believed that women were being put under men. That is not my argument. I believe woman have always been treated as something divine. I read about this last semester (author Chris Cuomo?) that there are problems in feminism, because women have held onto some old models that we’ve assumed are good. Being divine is not derogatory, but it still serves to divide.

This first occurred to me with the poker game. Why don’t men want women around? Most who responded to me defined this behavior in terms of men being easily distracted, crass, sore losers, and prone to say things that are inappropriate. Women seem to still be viewed as good and if one were to invite women to a game, the game would cease to be manly and instead take the feminine attribute: good. This thought continued in my Perspectives course when my professor talked about the developing public and private spheres from the mid 1800s to the mid 1900s. The public sphere took the manly characteristics: crass, harsh, industrious, greasy, dirty, greedy, etc. The private sphere took the side of the gentler sex: religious, irrational, clean, peaceful, moral, center for child raising, etc. Some might see this as forcing women into inferiority, but not to my mind. There is a clear movement to make women so gloriously good, that it would be wrong to bring them back the world of men—the human world.

Though we have worked hard to encourage women can do anything men can do, we still cling to this denaturalization or dehumanization of women. Simply look at women: shaved of all hair except their head (which is colored, straightened, and styled until every hint of it’s natural appearance is completely removed), painted nails (frequently fake), make-up to hide natural blemishes, high heals to deceive the natural length of legs, control top panty hose to slim the natural shape of the stomach, bras that hold the breasts in an unnatural shaped, and so on and so forth. It is not a coincidence that a woman who does not participate in such primping is frequently thought to be a lesbian. A woman who sticks to her natural human form is almost a man. No, better to make women appear and act as angels. For women, we have been deceived that it is a compliment: who can complain about being said they are superiorly righteous? But men continue to use this as a means of division, as with the poker game. The poker game may seem like a small issue, but as long as men believe that it is acceptable to break off certain spheres for men only (such as the social public sphere, which is where some of the greatest advances intellectually, economically, and politically have been formed) women will never be equal. Well, damnit, I would much rather be a fallible human who bears some crass activity than an isolated angel who is denied access to the growth of humanity.

Men Only.

Last night I was invited to go to a poker game tonight. I mentioned that I had heard of other poker games, but had not been invited because I am female. This did not bother me because I did not know these people that well. I tend not to argue with people I don't know. Anyway, it turns out that I was accidently invited to the all boy poker night and was subsequently uninvited when my gender was made known. As my friend (who is male) did go, I feel that I should comment on the situation. Why would women be prohibited from attending a poker game? Why do they not want us present? These are not rhetorical questions, I would like to hear some ideas and I will respond to those ideas accordingly. I don't want to hear, "Well, 'cause they're guys and sometimes guys just want to hang out with guys." I understand this, but why do guys just want to hang out with guys? What do females do or lack that makes them unappealing poker players? And if it's just "sometimes" why would they insist on the exclusion several weeks in a row?

Wedding Dresses.

Hm, I have been told that it is fun to try on wedding dresses, but I find myself of the opposite persuasion. Sarah works at David's Bridal. So, while Sarah tried on prom dresses, Cassidy and I put on some wedding dresses. I didn't think any of them were that appealing. Their purpose seems merely to cover me in way too much fabric. And I don't think they're that attractive. I have worn three other formals and would eagerly wear any of those three over the dresses I tried on today.

What Occured to Me At 2:00 A.M.?

Friday Afternoon: I realize that I had assumed that my brother had no class on Friday. I was wrong. He had Calculus at 12:30. I had agreed to meet someone in Oklahoma City at 3:00. Lose an hour for Nicks class. Lose an hour to travel into OKC. Lose 30 minutes to pack and get out of Norman. I was going to be cutting it close. Unfortunately, "Happenchance" needed to be returned to Blockbuster and I was 10 minutes late. I arrived flustered and towing my brother along. Fortunately Chris is a wonderfully patient individual and gave me a new CD with great music and a new book.

Friday Evening: I began reading "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy." The release of the trailer for the film has brought this interesting book back into the memories of all its fans. And all of its fans have been hounding me to read it as of late. I started it tonight and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. I let you know what I think in the end. Also on Friday, I received a call from a friend of mine.

Saturday Afternoon: "Do you want to walk dogs for the Animal Shelter tomorrow afternoon?" Alfredo asked me the night before. He also quipped, "I know Republicans hate puppies." I have been looking for some volunteer work and was enthused when I heard about this. And it's considerably more fun when you go with someone. I met Amelio, Queeny, Angel, and Pepper, all of them absolutely adorable puppies. Then Andrew (a.k.a. Alfredo) and I had Indian food, which I have decided is worth a second chance.

Saturday Evening: I'm staying at my parents house to have easy access to OKC. My parents came home and realized that that was going to be the nicest evening of the week. They love me, but they love their motorcycles more. So, the three of us took a motorcycle ride (My dad and I on his motorcycle and my mom on her scooter) around Lake Overholser. That was a lot of fun. We visited Paul, Almond, Eric, and Ian. The boys were having pipe cleaner art contests. I designed a flower, a hat, and a bowtie. I won first for the flower. The hat was a disappointing 4th. And 2nd for the bowtie.

Sunday Morning: My parents and I decided to take a trip to a winery. It was too cold for a motorcycle, so we drove in my mom's truck. I read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" for a while on the way down there. As we pull into the vineyard, it strikes us how very strange this place looks. Oklahoma Vineyards are not as snobby as California vineyards. This one in particular greeted its guests with a huge dog who is crippled. You walk into these people's house and they serve you wine from their kitchen counter. The man pulled out three glasses, but his wife interupted, "I think you only need two. By the looks of her daughter, I think she may be fifteen." ::sighs:: I explained I'd be 21 in three months and, being the friendly people they are, they said if my parents didn't mind, they didn't mind letting me taste. They had some very strange wines. But I was amused all the same.

Sunday Afternoon: As we made our way back to Oklahoma City, we took a different route. We pulled over to a small gas station in a nearly non-existant town. After tasting wine, I made my way to the restroom. I was amused to find a sign written in magic marker on a piece of cardboard taped to the mirror. It said, "Please keep it clean." It's amazing the differences between small towns and cities. In small towns, it is the duty of the consumer to keep the bathroom clean. Unfortunately, this bathroom was not clean.

Sunday Evening: I stayed up late reading a story that a friend had sent to me. Around 1:30, I finely shut down. (Yes, I know that's technically Monday, but for the sake of the story let's stretch the bounds a little.) Only a few minutes later, people start coming into my home. Someone came up to the couch I was sleeping on and said, "Guess who?" I thought it was James, but then again I wasn't sure if I was sleeping. Sure enough, Nick had brought over a few of his friends. They all came in and tumbled on the couch on top of me. Nick said he had come back to get the keys to our apartment because he had forgotton a few things for our trip to Lake Eufala (details of this trip will follow on this site... eventually.) But after all this, as I started to fall asleep, it occured to me that I have a very strange life.

Any Man I Want.

I met with a friend yesterday. I enerally keep my Sci Fi obsessions concealed, but conversation somehow revealed Star Wars and it all came out. He was surprised and asked me if I knew what this meant. I shrugged. He said, "You know you can have any man you want. It would be like a guy who loves to go shoe shopping. There are three girls on the planet who truly enjoy Sci Fi stuff."

Another Environmentalist Fails.

So, today in my honors class we have Ted Steinberg, the author of "Down to Earth: Nature's Role on American History" which I briefly covered in my last blog. I have a fluctuating opinion on environmentalism. I'm uniquely disturbed at how quickly we consume (purchase, use, and throw away) and I think many people are not aware that resources run out. But, I also think that environmentalist too quickly fail to give credit to the ingenuity of men. Isn't the quote, "Necessity is the mother of invention." When we begin to reach our resource limits, we are able to adapt. However, to continue my flip-flopping, it's very dangerous to say, "Oh, someone down the line will figure out how to fix all these problems." As I put in my latest essay, environmentalism is a strange creature.

Inevitably, our conversations with Steinberg lead to questions of how to solve environmental problems. And he was fantastically political about it: "Well, I don't really know much about it. Maybe this, maybe that, or maybe not at all." But, Honors students are persistent and his views came out, "Well, I'm all about regulation. I think Capitalism is horrible." Is it possible to feel a whole group of people cringe? I think young people are sick of hearing anti-Capitalistic drivel. Without a doubt, these honor students were not impressed with his criticism. We started asking him what he meant and he specifically pointed out the Health Care system. He complained that there is too big of a group of people without health care and said that there are too many people without it. He said that capitalistic societies have the worst health care systems, to which I asked him why the greatest health epidemics, such as AIDS in Africa, occur in countries that are not capitalistic. He said, "I don't really know about that." Exactly. Anyhow, another criticized me by saying that I should have compared the U.S. to the UK or Canada. But, I'm sorry, I think that the UK and Canada are extraordinarily Capitalistic. The number 1 import in Canada is the U.S. I'm sure the UK is very similar. People that dependant on our market cannot be that ant-Capitalistic.

I think Mr. Steinberg simply had a confusion of terms, but regardless I think that it is terribly ironic that he used Health Care as an example. One of the most wasteful industries in the world is the health industry. The correct operation of a health care facility is dependent on throwing this away: new latex gloves for every patient, a new cap for the thermometer, a new and wooden stick to hold down the tongue. When you are through with medication that is to be used "as needed," you are supposed to throw it away. Every prescription comes in an individual bottle with an individual label. And that’s just on a normal visit. Think of all the stuff they have to use and throw away in surgery! And Ted Steinberg supports providing this free of charge to every single human on Earth? When I didn't have health insurances, if I was sick, I went to bed. Now, I go to the Doctor and go through the whole use and waste routine before they say, "Oh, looks like you need to just go home and lay down." They have to do this, because more people would die if they did not. There needs to be a balance between making products available to save lives, but not make it so easily accessible that it feeds into this wasteful tradition. Let's keep a cost attached to health care, but not so high as to make it debilitating.

Though it discourages me greatly to discover that, though this man has extraordinary understanding of the history of ecology, not even he can predict consequences of human systems.

Balancing the Consumers and the Disconnected

I am taking two very interesting courses right now. My Honor's Perspective course is called Buying and Selling in America. We are studying the consumer history of America. At this point, we've been required to read Ted Steinburg's "Down to Earth," which gives ecological background to America's history. At the same time, I'm studying Geograpy, which is constantly talking about human influence on the environment.

I am struggling with this issue for several reasons. First, I really do think that there are serious problems with human's consumptive nature. There is this assumption that there will always be resources and that we have no duty to consciously ensure returning resources back to the Earth that we do not use. However, I think that the vast majority of environmentalists are completely disconnected from any concept of reality. It is not likely that humans are going to cut the population in half, stop eating for fun, and toss their cars to recycling plants. Even if we did, I still don't think that would be enough to return the world to their idealist view of nature.

Ultimately, I have infinite faith in humanity. I believe that as we become more aware of problems, we will seek to find solutions. I believe, though, at some point we'll have to feel some pain before we really invest in this issue.